hmm... I just got to know you recently. From the stories that you have told us, I feel a sense of deep sorrow for you. I would really love to help but I felt powerless to do anything...
Why do I feel this way? I don't know... but I guess a part of me went through periods of distress n helplessness but somehow the memory had been buried so deeply that I couldn't recall what exactly happened.
Fren, I can only encourage you to buck up, to forgive n forget... replaying the past in your mind can be tormenting... Have the courage to let it go. The least I could do, is to lend you a listening ear :)
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one tip which i learnt... Supressive feelings are dangerous. It brings the confidence down and chains you at down.
A few ways to get rid of it is to going back to the same incidents over again, notice the feelings, notice the thoughts, replaying it over in your mind, if there is any sadness, cry it out, cry it our as much as possible until you feel the relieve.
If still remnants of it, there is another way, more powerful but more resistance in applying it, but you have to brave here. It is to replay the whole incidents, whatever anger, sadness, multiply it in your mind by 2, increasing it until it is no more.
Strangely you will notice, as you go deeper into the situation, you might think that it should be more emotional but strangely, it is the other way round. the more you escape from the sad experience, the more and longer it haunts you. Whatever you resists, persists . until you fully experience it, acknowledges the feelings and it is there and letting it go...
Most people taught us the famous chinese quotes "Lui Xue Bu Liu Lie" This quotes hinder us in our lifes by keeping supressive feelings inside the heart. And people wonder why they were depress at times. We are not perfect but , whether man or women , we do cry at times, just let it be out from your heart. Just do it privately.
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