my worth?

tired

disillusioned

impatient

I was reminded that 'i'm worth a thousand sparrows'... what a timely intervention to save me from plunging into the depths of depression.

a breath of fresh air

what have i learnt today?

• I can cease to be a rat that is running nowhere... am not just a WORKER. in fact, delegation through effective relationship management, can offer an outlet to relieve the mounting stress
• delegation sharpens my managerial skills

and lastly i found a real friend... in times of need.

blissful sunday

its a peaceful sunday, to be totally away from work.

am feeling super recharged tonight knowing that the following week will be an easy one...and yes... another trip to KL - life couldn't be better :)

breaking point

i just snapped at someone who called today. the urgency to quickly settle the problem before rushing off to another meeting resulted in tempers flaring. why can't anyone simply summarize what you want to say and keep the conversation short? i've no time to be patiently listening to the constant rattling of the same issues repeatedly. am not a counsellor and i don wish to be one. time is short and numerous tasks are piling up. i need team members to be more independent and less reliant on me as the middleman. it's mentally stressful and i'm worn out. it's friday and rightfully it should be the most celebrated day of the week. i felt as though i've gone through 10 days without a break.

what makes me happy

part of the reason why i blog includes the pleasure of reliving the wonderful moments that have quickly passed me by. remnants of those pleasant moments are captured in writing... the only evidence in the absence of pictures.

my happiness index is up again by a few notches. tonight's tm had been once again rejuvenating. the open evaluation was lively and stimulating. each had a piece of golden advice to share with the speaker. the many individuals had a common goal.. which is to help build up one another with constructive comments. how often do we place ourselves in mutually beneficial environment at the expense of time and money to learn a new skill? passion is the answer that continually drives us.

the casual session came to a high note when ling decided to do an impromptu speech and incorporated a birthday celebration for lani in the midst of her presentation. the birthday gal chose to complete her last leg of the CC journey tonight despite having a good reason to give tm a miss! talking about having a passion for the club... she's definitely walking the talk.

i'm extremely pleased with myself for having achieved a breakthrough as the tme tonight. it was a casual session where i could better control the flow and pace of my speech. the unique open evaluation lighten up the usual systematic sombre session that i always encounter. the more i speak, the better i become. being able to speak freely is liberating. it reaffirms my self worth. i just paid my toastmasters club fees yesterday. it's money well spent and i foresee myself growing from strength to strength along with the group of like-minded buddies.

a strategist in the making...

how often do u secretly rejoice at the departure of a 'friend' you knew at work?

we are not colleagues. he's only an acquaintance who started to wreak havoc in recent weeks. countless emails have been flying around to deliberate our next strategy. hours have been spent discussing how to best pacify him without going to the extreme of evicting him. in the end, he chose to leave with a big 'R' package which even his management agreed in order to buy some peace....

i'm not the only one motivated by his departure. all along, i had the support of my boss who was the big mastermind in cornering him to accept the payout. with his impending move, that leaves a vacuum at the top. the big ordeal of having to deal with a highly sensitive man taught me the importance of patience. his departure was indeed timely and a blessing in disguise. his thinking and distrusting attitude was a serious misfit within the organisation. he didn't leave empty handed for he had more than what he bargained for.

i'm excited about being involved in shortlisting the next replacement. the days of tolerating his ways will soon be over. i feel relieved... and looking forward to starting afresh with the new team :)

drivers... beware!

what seems like a perfect weekend was marred by a minor car accident which took place this morning.

my friend's vehicle accidentally 'kissed' the bumper of the car in front as the latter applied emergency brake to avoid a cyclist trying to beat the traffic.

as i sat in the car watching the settlement taking place, i felt super guilty as our conversation might have distracted him. the consequence of the oversight cost my friend $350 as he chose to pay for the damages on the spot.

as he sat beside me during the service, he looked tramatised and was unable to concentrate.

sigh... i'm bad with words and i didn't know what to say to help him deal with the aftermath.

driving gives one a strong sense of empowerment. however to maintain a car isn't easy. momentary carelessness can easily burn a hole in the pocket.

what makes u happy?

Friday 13th... an uneventful day

as expected, the stressful work has worn me out. no time for lunch, no time for toilet breaks, no time to stop n listen n engage in random chatter...

strolling along clarke quay this evening brought back a semblance of work life balance that has been seriously missing all this while.

someone just asked what makes me happy? I don't have a definite and straightforward answer for myself. Many a times, I've been too absorbed in trying to achieve short term goals to experience the momentary satisfaction. I don't plan for the long term. I think alot and that thinking process will cause me to lapse into depression.

Well.... I need to be with happy people to change myself.

happiness index

let me count my blessings...

1) I received a pay increase despite the downturn
2) The allowances has inflated my pay package to an astonishing level
3) Someone willingly shouldered the blame for the mistake I've made at work

Can money buy happiness? Beyond the material and tangible things, money cannot buy me happiness. Not even my inflated pay has done me wonders in lifting up my gloomy spirits. To escape the mounting troubles, I left work early today. But the short term euphoria simply led to more overtime work at home.

Making the decision to be happy despite the hovering dark clouds is crucial. I'm taking slow and mini steps to rebuilding a life that is so lacking of fun and laughter. I miss those good old times...