freedom is priceless

7:43am - Boss called

10:50pm - another late night phone call from co-worker

do you all have to call me at this hr when these are non critical issues?!?!

i'm tired and sleepy but my heart is beating fast, unable to unwind. maybe another short holiday will do me good. the cheap airfares via budget airlines seems irresistable...

is there an in-between?

Would i prefer work that is non-taxing and to remain in a carefree environment where the only focus is to clock 9 hours daily, sufficiently enough to bring home a sizable income?

my ex-colleague was dangling this carrot in front of me when we met up today.

sounds like a instant temporal relief. i'm tempted to return to my previous comfort zone and escape from the hazardous environment that has plagued me for months.

i guess i wouldn't be satisfied for long before an old set of questions, problems and doubts about my self worth will surface.

is there really an in-between, with a good mix of work life balance?

many have told me that one either has to give up their social life for work or settle for a job that pays lesser but have more time to smell the roses.

i need to evaluate my wants and needs.

my staple source of entertainment

i spent the later half of my saturday at the district contest where the best congregate to vie for the most coveted toastmasters award.

For many, a chance to be recognised and affirmed as the best speaker plus an all expense paid for trip to the annual HK international convention, provides a big impetus to excel beyond their usual standards.

the competition was intense but there was a clear distinction in terms of standards between the veterans and the novices. however it doesn't take an expert judge to figure out who can be the ultimate winner.

the 2nd runner up was an easy guess whereas the first 2 winners was a tough fight between 2 veterans. their impeccable speeches have made themselves easily distinguishable from the rest.

i wonder if i'll ever garner enough courage to compete with the cream of the crop. am so near, yet so far. presenting in a club still gives me the occasional thrill. CS toasties are an encouraging bunch of friends and it's hard to find excuses not to attend the club meetings. until i manage to find new sources of entertainment, CSTM will still be my staple source of encouragement and ego food. :)

what on earth am i here for?

"what was i thinking? where am i heading to? why did i waste so much time, energy and concern on what wasn't going to last?"

why am i stagnanting...

i've forgotten my priorities and focused on the wants rather than the needs.

if whatever i've asked for doesn't come to pass based on my own timing, it is really a learning journey coupled with food for thought.

vacation phobia

a holiday wouldn't be truly enjoyable if the fundamentals have not changed...

my colleague lamented that he had to finish numerous reports before he flies off this week for his vacation.

this brought back those days of long working hours back at the office, fretting over unfinished tasks and stressing over the mounting emails which i would not be able to attend to during my brief absence of just 3 days!

i thought whether is the holiday that i'm paying for really worth every cent when my stress index reached sky high before and after returning from the trip. with the phone that keeps ringing and messages that keep popping up now and then, i can't be totally detached away from work.

if i really have a happiness index measuring device, what would the score be? did i really manage to unwind during the trip? nowadays, i ponder over my coming trips more carefully than ever.

in fact, if there is no work life balance, the frequency of holidays does not matter. all i ask for is the complete ability to unwind at the end of each day, to fully recharge myself by getting quality sleep. with this daily luxury, being able to make time for vacation will be akin to having icing on the cake!

And yes... a full weekend of rest last week did recharge me. i probably don't need an overseas holiday to feel good.

the route to freedom

my happiness is more important than how people feel.

making the decision and be convicted about doing it has helped me to go beyond what I thought I could manage.

the period of hesitation is over. i have reached the onset of a new chapter, where I need to surge forward to pursue my goals, with the sole aim of attaining happiness. with nothing to hold me back, i'm giving my best shot. by june, i hope that things will be clear... and it shall be the time for my grand plans to unfold.