uncovering the dirt in me

1) think positive
2) count my blessings

2 simple yet powerful advice from friends who care about me.

Pessimism - an ingrained bad habit that i need to kick aside.

different facets of love

just when i thought i have fully comprehended about the subject on respect to the extent that i could start lecturing someone, i was brought back to reality through casual talk with someone much wiser than i am.

not being detail oriented is akin to not showing respect to someone of higher authority. i've not walked him through the flow of the proceedings that resulted in the uncovering of a big flaw that i wasn't even aware of.

i was staring into a mirror with all the shortcomings written all over my face. i'll never know how much is lacking in me if he did not point it out in a way that doesn't sound reprimanding but yet gave me sufficient food for thought.

thoughout my growing up years, i have never attempted to be sensitive enough and would speed through things without second thoughts on the impact on others.

how often do we slow down to do self reflection? how many of us bother to highlight the negative traits in others? it takes someone who cares enough to bring it up, sometimes at the expense of destroying friendship. maybe, this is what we call multi-faceted love.

fact and fiction

some men have a unique talent of using soft skills to please the opposite sex.

bearing in mind that women like communicative partners, the smart ones are making use of their communication talents to tell stories peppered with humor, in the hope of giving a good first impression.

the seasoned ones succeed while the novices reveal weaknesses by cooking up cock and bull stories and unknowingly exposing their insecurity and desperation.

the latter group is a big turn-off. of course, their stories sound entertaining at first but on closer examination, the details don't fit and obviously, the story might have been exaggerated with the purpose of impresssing. sadly, the damage is irreversible. these sly folks have a clear agenda. as they jump at every opportunity to impress women with their fictitious stories, i'm sure they'll get better.

as we start reflecting and reviewing, our wisdom grows as we find flaws in what we heard. needless to say, this will be our last meeting as your words are simply crap!

does it take herculean efforts to get into our good books?

Not at all!

Honesty and Sincerity still paves the way to our hearts. it requires zero effort and multiplies the brownie points exponentially!

Am i a bean counter?

someone asked why i was so offended when it was apparent that it was hard to please everyone in the group.

i guess it boils down to the fact that the process by which it was carried out goes against my basic core value of 'respect'.

a decision had been made and the underlying message was that i was of least importance. no proper communication prior to the official annoucement shows the acute lack of sensitivity on the part of the decision maker.

i'm not aggressive hence i won't confront. how to do i get the msg across that i'm not happy with U? perhaps a repeat episode of this will embolden me to do talk it out. afterall, clearing up the air will pave the way for a smoother relationship ahead.

Unmet expectations

being work or task oriented might be a positive trait a leader should possess, but failure to consult in the decision making process is a potential fatal flaw.

what type of leaders do followers respect?

a leader with a heart!

while it is perfectly logical to proceed ahead when the situation warrants it, consulting the ground level folks who will be affected by the decision is a key step towards earning respect. explaining the situation tactfully to get all to understand the constraints is essential. for someone who is accustomed to doing things their own way, it might be a huge inconvenience as time is required to get everyone to be on the same page. unfortunately leaders will need to learn that consultation is the way to build good relationships. not opening the channels of communication is akin to shutting them out and labelling them as unimportant. overtime, the resentment build up and this is where conflict arises. it is not easy to be frank and express how hurt we are when it is apparent that a decision has been made. the door has already been closed without being given a chance to be heard.

are my expectations overly high? a more close up assessment will reveal the truth.

what i dread most...

why do i have so little time for myself?

the answer lies in unproductive and long winded meetings that all people dread.

thankfully besides sitting through 5 hrs of consecutive meetings today, i need not take the mins this time round. as the hours drag on, i lost concentration and my head was throbbing. looking at the entire proceedings, the duration could have been halved since many points have been revisited before.

my 2 cents worth for conducting effective meetings:

1. a strong facilitator is required to control the flow and prevent discussion from going off tangent.


2. too many cooks spoil the broth. having too many contributors abt the same point lengthens the discussion unncessarily. Too often, people don't realise they are just talking around the problem instead of attacking the core of the problem. i hate it intensely! talking about it doesn't change a thing. the purpose of meeting up is to solve it. Hence the facilitator needs to direct the discussion towards tackling the issue.


3. following closely to the agenda and avoid discussing minute details. attendees get distracted and lose focus. taking it offline helps!


4. get to the point! this requires a fairly good communicator to summarize it succinctly in a few sentences. explain the objective at the beginning so that listeners will know what to take note before the rambling speech begins.


5. lastly, give an effective conclusion after every agenda belps in crystallising the points discussed. this can greatly help those who are lost in the discussion to retain the gist of the message.

i like short and sweet discussion that doesn't end up without a conclusion. recognise that if the problem cannot be solved in a single session or if we are missing out on some important inputs, move on and leave it till the next discussion. unless the meetings are facilitated by someone else, i take pride that my sessions don't last beyond 2 hours. in fact, it's my personal KPI to keep it short and succinct.

seriously, some people ought to reflect and repent...